End of Life Doula Siobhan A

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From Siobhan A

So sweet to read through all the emails, the threads that continue to weave us together.  I wanted to share the lyrics to the song I sang on the last day.  You can probably find the melody on YouTube if you would like to learn it, but if not, just call me!  
 
Oh Love (death, birth, life) prepare me
To be a sanctuary
Pure and Holy
Tried and True

And in thanksgiving
I will be a living
Sanctuary
For you

Much love, and I thank and bow to each of you for your generous and couragous hearts as you embark on this journey into the land of Lady Death.  
 

Conscious Dying Faculty Kelly S

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Our wonderful Phase 1 graduates of the Sacred Passage Doula Certification program warmed our hearts with poems and beautiful expressions of their experience.  This post and page is a thank you!

From Kelly S - May 2015

Thank you all for such a generous, beautiful experience!  
I'm overwhelmed still.  All my love, Kelly

The center leads to love.
Soul opens the creation core.

Hold on to your particular pain.
That too can take you to God.
Rumi

I loved every minute of this certification End of Life Doula Christine 2016

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(My) biggest area of professional growth was understanding how important ceremony and ritual is for me as an individual and a doula.  Also – all the discussion about what our doulaship is going to look like and what actual steps we will take to help our vision come to fruition was enormously helpful. 

I learned wholeheartedly the mission of a Sacred Passage Guide; I learned that part – a huge part of my role will be outreach; I learned that my gifts took intentions and sacred awareness of what makes me the doula I want to become; I loved all the teachings around vigil, the doula panel and after death care, and grief gates.

Because I am drawn to death, the sacredness of it and my own sacred selfishness urges me to ... serve as a source of education, companionship and ceremonialist – a sacred passage guide for those who are dying and their families.

I loved every minute of this certification; I’ve appreciated so much the teachers, especially Greg, Marilyn – who have been tremendous in sharing their experiences, wisdom and knowledge.  Thank you Tarron for bringing this language and this sacred right to us, and giving us the opportunity to share it.

--2016 End of Life Doula Graduate

What does it mean to "Occupy Death"?

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“We can't control if we'll die, but we can occupy death” in the words of Peter Saul, an emergency doctor. He asks us to think about the end of our lives — and to question the modern model of slow, intubated death in hospital. Two big questions can help you start this tough conversation.

What does it mean to Occupy Death?  I think it means to Embody, transform our current death denying cultural. Just as there is no prescription to cure death, we cannot “proscribe” how to attend as people are dying.

Five Gates of Grief

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Francis Weller’s Five 5 Gates of Grief are a profound inquiry. Identify your losses in each of the gates. Provide Emotional support for yourself and those facing death and loss. Everything you love you will lose. Places inside you that have not known love.  Sorrows of the world. What we expected and did not receive. Ancestral Grief: bodily holding from grief of our ancestors. Watch Francis Weller Video below.

And Join us for sacred circles and rites of passage in our End Of Life Doula Certificate!  http://www.consciousdyinginstitute.com/events/

“Death is But a Dream” with Dr. Christopher Kerr

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Are the visions and visiting of those facing death illusion or a part of the dying process itself? Watch this trailer for the upcoming film: “Death is But a Dream” with Dr. Christopher Kerr! http://deathisbutadreamfilm.com/

Personal Dreamwork

Sessions With Tarron

“Tarron’s dream work is truly eye-opening, inspiring, and deeply insightful. My life, both waking and sleeping, has been enriched with a deeper resonance and understanding of my dreams and their import in my life. In her group work, she creates an environment where we all learn from each other’s dreams, while offering numerous techniques for self-investigation. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to work with her!” — Elisabeth Thomas

Contact Tarron for Dreamwork Sessions and End of Life Coaching Sessions @tarron@consciousdyinginstitute.com

Enroll for our End of Life Doula Certificate and learn more about Acknowledging Mysteries and Unexplainable Events http://www.consciousdyinginstitute.com/events/

Acknowledging Mysteries and Unexplainable Events with Dr. Christopher Kerr

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Validate the nearing death visions and dreams of those nearing death…watch this powerful Tedx video by Dr. Christopher Kerr! Enroll for our End of Life Doula Certificate and learn more about Acknowledging Mysteries and Unexplainable Events Enroll for our End of Life Doula Certificate and learn more about Acknowledging Mysteries and Unexplainable Events http://www.consciousdyinginstitute.com/events/

Sacred After Death Care

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Grassroots movements throughout America take back care of their loved ones after death with Sacred After Death Care, Rituals for the body and green burials.  Read this article called: “A Perfect Ending”. 

Join us for Our end of life doula certificate! It offers demonstrations and information about this grassroots sacred after death care.   Our next Boulder training begins:  Jan 27, and in Vancouver:  Feb 11.   More info: http://www.consciousdyinginstitute.com/events/.

New Year's Resolutions - Making them a NEW Way!

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Make New Years resolutions a new way: "Before I die I want to ___." TED Fellow, Candy Chang turned an abandoned house in her New Orleans neighborhood into a giant chalkboard asking a fill-in-the-blank question: "Before I die I want to ___." Her neighbors' answers were surprising, poignant, funny, becoming an unexpected mirror for the community.  What do you want before you die?

News: Interviews and Articles

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The BBCRadio News Hour London recently interviewed Greg Lathrop, R.N. Greg is a Sacred Passage: End of Life Doula and Conscious Dying Institute Faculty. Greg describes how he "walks beside, and just a little behind" his dear friend and patient, Tom. He describes how being an End of Life Doula is a way to "return to the old ways in a new way".  Listen to interview.....

 

"What End of Life Care Needs Now: An Emerging Praxis of the Sacred and Subtle" by Wiiliam Rosa,MS, RN, LMT, AGPCNP-BC, CCRN-CMC, Caritas Coach and Tarron Estes

Conscious Dying Institute (CDI) is paving a new path…one emerging from awareness, humanity, dignity, caring consciousness, and a return to the sacred. {In this work} we Explore an Emerging Archetype: The nurse as healer…a universally recognized professional archetype that extends beyond clinical specialty, culture, gender, credentials, or disciplinary worldview…Read more....
Visit Advances In Nursing Science Issue

 

 

Conscious Dying and Cultural Emergence: Reflective Systems Inventory for the Collective Processes of Global Healing by William Rosa MS, RN, LMT, AGPCNP-BC, CCRN-CMC, Caritas CoachPublished in: Beginnings | American Holistic Nurses Association October 2014

How do you want to die?  Not if you die, but when…how do you want to do it?  Better yet, how do you want to be cared for during your final moments? Do you envision a serene transition of integrity and dignity? Is death a mystery you fear or a celebrated rite of passage?  Let’s not be idle with our time but spend these moments together confronting some deep truths present before everyone, again, giving pause to the sacred nature of a continually emerging quandary: How do I want to die?

Death is the instinctual exhale to our inhale, wane to our wax, and stillness to our frenzy. It is the truth beyond all perceived and subjective relevance and the bottom line to our overly articulated, seemingly justified rationales with which we defend our positions. It is the deal-breaker, the game-changer and the silver lining all in one. Ironically, death is an elusive, inexplicable phenomenon and yet, we confront it more closely and encounter it more deeply with each passing moment. Death halts the physical life, whether abruptly or protractedly, and, in the midst of the dying process (and in the stewardship of said process), space is created for dignified caring, compassionate practices of bodymind-spirit-heart, and humanizing the ethical values inherent within the holistic paradigm. Read full article.....

Grieving is “Praising Life”

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December offers many joyous gifts. And because this month has the highest death rates of all months, there can be sadness and grief for many. Our End of Life Doula program offers practices for Grief. Of these practices, one graduate said: “The grief ritual was an amazing opportunity.... it may be a once in a lifetime experience.”  Listen to Martin Prectel in a powerful talk on grief:  Grieving is “praising life” 

How do we talk to our parents about death?

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"How do I talk to my parents about Death?"

In the best of worlds, all our loved ones would have a beautiful, clearly outlined shared vision for their final days, weeks, months of life.

Even though we hear more and more about the importance of "The Conversation", most of us find it difficult to talk about death with those we love. This is normal and so beautifully human.
As adult children, we have lots of mixed feelings fully alive, in play, and in conflict when considering this conversation with parents. We often feel love, fear, desire, and helpless, and sometimes guilt.

These feelings signal that something is very important to us. We can use these feelings to help us get closer to our loved ones and to approach the conversation with increased vulnerability and more success.    So before talking to anyone about death, Ask:
Why is it important to ME?  Why do I want to know?

Here are some reasons why:
Because we love. We care. We want to be there or want someone to be there. We want to be a positive support. We want to know so we can give our family what they want even if it isn't what WE want. Because we want to know how to support them to have a blessed, beautiful transition and die in a good way. In Their Way vs our way.

Remember this is about YOU. You are the one who wants to talk. So start the conversation with:
"Hey mom. I love you so much, andI need to talk to you about something that is really hard and important to me."

Generally if our parents or loved ones feel that we need their help and why, they are very open and willing to offer up some beginning words about what they want. EVEN if it is "I Don't Know!"  So come to your parent as a person needing their support. This includes telling them how much you love them and how much you want to take care, be there, love them, make this time good for you and everyone. And to do that, YOU need Them.

Second:  This is a not a one shot"conversation". It may take many times to complete. No one I know had it all planned out in one sitting.  With my dad, it took about 3 years over many dinners, vacations, and sometimes in between television commercials to understand and make plans with him and for him.

Third: Speak to this person in their own language and with their own images, metaphors, stories. It's important to share your own thoughts and feelings about what you want, too. This can help stimulate creativity and thinking. But Remember the nature of the person you are having this conversation with. What era were they born into and what is their capacity to vision about a good death? Lots of people born in the 20s/30s/ even 40s are able to think about how they want to be "buried" and that is about as far as it goes.

Fourth: Read A Mother's Final Gift. My mom and I are reading it together. She can't put it down.  It is a story --the type of book written in a language my mother loves about another woman her age. It portrays a beautiful, thoughtful, end of life vision and how her family found their pleasure in supporting her every wish. It is a treasure and it has opened a path for both of us to talk about what we want.

Rites of Passage or Right to Die?: Beyond legsilation for end of life

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Rites of Passage or Right to Die?: Beyond legsilation for end of life

Beyond “Right to Die” to Rites of Passage: An Alternative view of Canada’s Legislation. What does this really mean? I believe it reflects a heightened listening to humanity's desire to restore death to its sacred place in the beauty, mystery and celebration of life.

Read More

Rural America: The Authentic Doula Culture

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Rural America's Authentic Doula Culture:
Story Telling on Death and Dying

During mealtime, the only conversations from women in my family were on illness and death. No matter what else might have been going on in the world, Kennedy’s assassination, Vietnam, presidential elections, sports events ( discussed by men)— women only talked about was who was sick and who was dead.
 
I’ll never forget what my Uncle said about "death talk". He said, “Tarron, here's what it’s like: My wife and I go down to the café to have a meal.  As soon as we walk in the door,  she goes off to say hello to her women friends and before I can sit down, every one of them is rattling off the hospital report”.

If you sit through these discussions long enough, you will get the complete medical history on every family and what the doctor said about their health. You could hear my relatives describe the color that someone’s skin turned before getting to the hospital and what street the ambulance took a wrong turn on. You could hear in depth discussions of the food someone ate and whose wife cooked it before her husband had a heart attack. You could gain insight into all the things people do to bring on the hard luck of sickness and what was expected to become of them.

When someone died, “Lord, Lord…” were the first words beginning every sentence, and then, “Poor old so and so”. My mother, her five sisters and both my grandmothers talked on and on about who was at the funeral home and why their relative didn’t show up fast enough to see him before he was laid in the ground. They would dress up any day of the week and go down to the funeral home with casseroles and dishes of homemade beans and ham and pecan pies and cornbread in hand to honor the dead during an open casket showing no matter who had died.
 
They took their lace hankies-- prepared to grieve and mourn and listen to the same sad hymns sung by choir members of differing churches. Dying was a whole town affair, and talking about it was sewn into this Southern rural culture like the patches on a quilt.  You not only talked about what happened, but you showed up to see the body all coiffed and life-like in the casket. Then you went to the cemetery for the burial.
 
After the last shovel of dirt was tossed on the grave, friends, family and clergy moved from cemetery to home. There they opened plates of pecan pies, pound cakes, sliced ham, fried chicken, creamed corn and three bean casseroles. They poured sweet tea into glasses of ice and served the grieving family.
 
At this after-death "house warming", you learned more about a person’s life than they would ever want told. But each story, told with great affection, gave the family the sense that their loved one had been known, loved and was already missed and remembered.

The Mustard Seed: A Teaching Story from the Buddha (Scholarships For Caregivers and Professional Discounts for Sacred Passage Guidance below)

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Our Human Experiences Unify and Connect Us
Beyond our Professional Lives and Roles

The Mustard Seed

Regardless of our professions, whether it is software, healing arts, education, retail, or healthcare, death's grief and loss touches all of us. Regardless of our age or status; where, when, or how we were born, each of us will be touched by endings because we love.  Through love and loss, these common, undeniable human experiences, we feel our interconnectedness.  This teaching story from the Buddha says it much better than I:

The Mustard Seed

Long long ago, a young woman from a wealthy family was happily married to an important man. When her only son was one-year-old, he fell ill and died suddenly. She was struck with grief; she could not bare the death of her only child. Weeping and groaning, she took her son's dead body in her arms and went from house to house begging all the people in the town for news of a way to bring her son back to life. She wanted MEDICINE.

Of course, nobody could help her, but this young woman would not give up. Finally she came across a Buddhist who advised her to go and see the Buddha himself.  When she carried the dead child to the Buddha and told Him her sad story, He listened with patience and compassion, and then said to her, "There is only one way to solve your problem. Go and find me four or five mustard seeds from any family in which there has never been a death."

The woman was filled with hope, and set off straight away to find such a household. But very soon she discovered that every family she visited had experienced the death. Once she accepted the fact that death is inevitable, she buried her child and could stop her grieving.  She realized that she was not unique-that she had not been singled out by God. She understood that surely as life comes to all of us, so Death comes to us all.

7 Elements of Death's True Purpose

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“For any culture or person who is primarily concerned with meaning, the study of death – the only certainty life holds for us – must be central,  for an understanding of death is the key to liberation in life”.  Stanislav Grof  

Conscious Dying Institute's Sacred Passage Guidance Certificates prepare us to befriend death, embrace life, increase love and healing for everyone. In our exploration of Death, we are reminded of our interconnectedness to all life, our true nature and therefore the implications of our presence and practice with those they serve. 

Read the 7 elements of Death's true Purpose below.

Here are a few questions that may support Growth and learning as we reflect on death's True Purpose:

  1. What aspects of "Death's True Purpose" come to mind for you?

  2. If death were your ally, a helpful friend that walks beside you, what gift would it bring to you?

  3. If death enables healthy and natural change to occur, What relationship would come into the spotlight for healing?

  4. In what ways does grief"cleanse the soul?"