End of Life Doula Jill

Thank you all for keeping the energy strong. This emails have been so helpful to me as I plopped back down to earth and struggle with the balance of keeping the weekend alive and taking care of business.

Listening to my heart - I shared the link to the Sophia's bath and have been coming back to that clip throughout my day. This was well received and a few "curious inquiries" about the topic. Yeah! Blessings always in all ways to each of you. My world is sweeter because of each one of you.

Jill

End of Life Doula Shoni

From Shoni K -

Good Morning Tarron,

Thank you again for the weekend. With an awareness for each of our individual needs you gracefully guided us toward new pathways.

~shoni

End of Life Doula Christopher

From Christopher S - May 2015

Thank you for that poem Tarron. Thank you for this work you are teaching. 
Here's a poem I wrote a while back that I realized could have been written about our weekend together.

Thank you for releasing so many healing tears.

Tears fall,
Relax, do not sob or fight with the flow.
Open every tightness
Let light into the dark frozen places that resist.
There is warmth and tenderness in tears,
Let this tenderness,
melt the hardness.
The softness you try to shield and hide
feels vulnerable
because life is tenuous and brief.
You know the kiss of death -
it always patiently awaits
for you to let it in.
But who is this that does the letting?
Who is the one that receives this kiss?
Breath moves through this body -
this “I” cannot stop it.
LIfe itself determines how many more times
this belly fills with invisible sustenance
and then without clinging
releases and surrenders the breath
for another to begin.
There is no celebration,
no awe or wonder at how breath continues,
but there should be.
Why should there be any clinging to a tear
as it forms in this eye,
and then trails down
this cheek?
LIfe is in this tear,
it is in the emotion,
a rising energy that this body struggles to contain.
Don’t struggle.
Something bigger than this body is moving through it
that causes the tear to form
and this breath to rise and fall.
Become this motion in the belly.
Become the energy beneath emotion that births tears.
Become the openness
in which all this is occurring.

From Rachel M Graduate

Hello all.  I have to say that the conference has helped me see the importance of focusing on our death as a way to live more deeply. It's amazing how that shifts the way I look at life....  Hugs and Peace, Rachel

End of Life Doula Siobhan A

From Siobhan A

So sweet to read through all the emails, the threads that continue to weave us together.  I wanted to share the lyrics to the song I sang on the last day.  You can probably find the melody on YouTube if you would like to learn it, but if not, just call me!  
 
Oh Love (death, birth, life) prepare me
To be a sanctuary
Pure and Holy
Tried and True

And in thanksgiving
I will be a living
Sanctuary
For you

Much love, and I thank and bow to each of you for your generous and couragous hearts as you embark on this journey into the land of Lady Death.  
 

Conscious Dying Faculty Kelly S

Our wonderful Phase 1 graduates of the Sacred Passage Doula Certification program warmed our hearts with poems and beautiful expressions of their experience.  This post and page is a thank you!

From Kelly S - May 2015

Thank you all for such a generous, beautiful experience!  
I'm overwhelmed still.  All my love, Kelly

The center leads to love.
Soul opens the creation core.

Hold on to your particular pain.
That too can take you to God.
Rumi

I loved every minute of this certification End of Life Doula Christine 2016

(My) biggest area of professional growth was understanding how important ceremony and ritual is for me as an individual and a doula.  Also – all the discussion about what our doulaship is going to look like and what actual steps we will take to help our vision come to fruition was enormously helpful. 

I learned wholeheartedly the mission of a Sacred Passage Guide; I learned that part – a huge part of my role will be outreach; I learned that my gifts took intentions and sacred awareness of what makes me the doula I want to become; I loved all the teachings around vigil, the doula panel and after death care, and grief gates.

Because I am drawn to death, the sacredness of it and my own sacred selfishness urges me to ... serve as a source of education, companionship and ceremonialist – a sacred passage guide for those who are dying and their families.

I loved every minute of this certification; I’ve appreciated so much the teachers, especially Greg, Marilyn – who have been tremendous in sharing their experiences, wisdom and knowledge.  Thank you Tarron for bringing this language and this sacred right to us, and giving us the opportunity to share it.

--2016 End of Life Doula Graduate

A wonderful experience and education

Tarrron, you are a wonderful teacher and facilitator.  Greg, I learned so much from you, your wisdom and your being.  Tarron, same.  A wonderful experience and education.  Becky, thank you for answering all of my questions beautifully.  All the faculty is so great and wonderful.

--2016 End of Life Doula Graduate

What does it mean to "Occupy Death"?

“We can't control if we'll die, but we can occupy death” in the words of Peter Saul, an emergency doctor. He asks us to think about the end of our lives — and to question the modern model of slow, intubated death in hospital. Two big questions can help you start this tough conversation.

What does it mean to Occupy Death?  I think it means to Embody, transform our current death denying cultural. Just as there is no prescription to cure death, we cannot “proscribe” how to attend as people are dying.

Five Gates of Grief

Francis Weller’s Five 5 Gates of Grief are a profound inquiry. Identify your losses in each of the gates. Provide Emotional support for yourself and those facing death and loss. Everything you love you will lose. Places inside you that have not known love.  Sorrows of the world. What we expected and did not receive. Ancestral Grief: bodily holding from grief of our ancestors. Watch Francis Weller Video below.

And Join us for sacred circles and rites of passage in our End Of Life Doula Certificate!  http://www.consciousdyinginstitute.com/events/

“Death is But a Dream” with Dr. Christopher Kerr

Are the visions and visiting of those facing death illusion or a part of the dying process itself? Watch this trailer for the upcoming film: “Death is But a Dream” with Dr. Christopher Kerr! http://deathisbutadreamfilm.com/

Personal Dreamwork

Sessions With Tarron

“Tarron’s dream work is truly eye-opening, inspiring, and deeply insightful. My life, both waking and sleeping, has been enriched with a deeper resonance and understanding of my dreams and their import in my life. In her group work, she creates an environment where we all learn from each other’s dreams, while offering numerous techniques for self-investigation. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to work with her!” — Elisabeth Thomas

Contact Tarron for Dreamwork Sessions and End of Life Coaching Sessions @tarron@consciousdyinginstitute.com

Enroll for our End of Life Doula Certificate and learn more about Acknowledging Mysteries and Unexplainable Events http://www.consciousdyinginstitute.com/events/

Acknowledging Mysteries and Unexplainable Events with Dr. Christopher Kerr

Validate the nearing death visions and dreams of those nearing death…watch this powerful Tedx video by Dr. Christopher Kerr! Enroll for our End of Life Doula Certificate and learn more about Acknowledging Mysteries and Unexplainable Events Enroll for our End of Life Doula Certificate and learn more about Acknowledging Mysteries and Unexplainable Events http://www.consciousdyinginstitute.com/events/

Hauntingly Beautiful Short Film About Life and Death

“Life of Death”  Watch this beautiful 7 min video. Then ask: "If Death is a Mother Doula, What do I bring as her child to this last Rite of Passage?"

Threshold Spaces (video with Stephen Levine)

Stephen Levine

Stephen Levine, one of the major voices in conscious deaths, talks about Threshold spaces And loving the living body. Watch this video and being to send loving healing energy to your body. 

http://levinetalks.com/Videos/video_single/couch-talk-31

Sacred After Death Care

Grassroots movements throughout America take back care of their loved ones after death with Sacred After Death Care, Rituals for the body and green burials.  Read this article called: “A Perfect Ending”. 

Join us for Our end of life doula certificate! It offers demonstrations and information about this grassroots sacred after death care.   Our next Boulder training begins:  Jan 27, and in Vancouver:  Feb 11.   More info: http://www.consciousdyinginstitute.com/events/.

New Year's Resolutions - Making them a NEW Way!

Make New Years resolutions a new way: "Before I die I want to ___." TED Fellow, Candy Chang turned an abandoned house in her New Orleans neighborhood into a giant chalkboard asking a fill-in-the-blank question: "Before I die I want to ___." Her neighbors' answers were surprising, poignant, funny, becoming an unexpected mirror for the community.  What do you want before you die?

News: Interviews and Articles

The BBCRadio News Hour London recently interviewed Greg Lathrop, R.N. Greg is a Sacred Passage: End of Life Doula and Conscious Dying Institute Faculty. Greg describes how he "walks beside, and just a little behind" his dear friend and patient, Tom. He describes how being an End of Life Doula is a way to "return to the old ways in a new way".  Listen to interview.....

"What End of Life Care Needs Now: An Emerging Praxis of the Sacred and Subtle" by Wiiliam Rosa,MS, RN, LMT, AGPCNP-BC, CCRN-CMC, Caritas Coach and Tarron Estes

Conscious Dying Institute (CDI) is paving a new path…one emerging from awareness, humanity, dignity, caring consciousness, and a return to the sacred. {In this work} we Explore an Emerging Archetype: The nurse as healer…a universally recognized professional archetype that extends beyond clinical specialty, culture, gender, credentials, or disciplinary worldview…Read more....
Visit Advances In Nursing Science Issue

Conscious Dying and Cultural Emergence: Reflective Systems Inventory for the Collective Processes of Global Healing by William Rosa MS, RN, LMT, AGPCNP-BC, CCRN-CMC, Caritas CoachPublished in: Beginnings | American Holistic Nurses Association October 2014

How do you want to die?  Not if you die, but when…how do you want to do it?  Better yet, how do you want to be cared for during your final moments? Do you envision a serene transition of integrity and dignity? Is death a mystery you fear or a celebrated rite of passage?  Let’s not be idle with our time but spend these moments together confronting some deep truths present before everyone, again, giving pause to the sacred nature of a continually emerging quandary: How do I want to die?

Death is the instinctual exhale to our inhale, wane to our wax, and stillness to our frenzy. It is the truth beyond all perceived and subjective relevance and the bottom line to our overly articulated, seemingly justified rationales with which we defend our positions. It is the deal-breaker, the game-changer and the silver lining all in one. Ironically, death is an elusive, inexplicable phenomenon and yet, we confront it more closely and encounter it more deeply with each passing moment. Death halts the physical life, whether abruptly or protractedly, and, in the midst of the dying process (and in the stewardship of said process), space is created for dignified caring, compassionate practices of bodymind-spirit-heart, and humanizing the ethical values inherent within the holistic paradigm. Read full article.....

Grieving is “Praising Life”

December offers many joyous gifts. And because this month has the highest death rates of all months, there can be sadness and grief for many. Our End of Life Doula program offers practices for Grief. Of these practices, one graduate said: “The grief ritual was an amazing opportunity.... it may be a once in a lifetime experience.”  Listen to Martin Prectel in a powerful talk on grief:  Grieving is “praising life” 

How do we talk to our parents about death?

"How do I talk to my parents about Death?"

In the best of worlds, all our loved ones would have a beautiful, clearly outlined shared vision for their final days, weeks, months of life.

Even though we hear more and more about the importance of "The Conversation", most of us find it difficult to talk about death with those we love. This is normal and so beautifully human.
As adult children, we have lots of mixed feelings fully alive, in play, and in conflict when considering this conversation with parents. We often feel love, fear, desire, and helpless, and sometimes guilt.

These feelings signal that something is very important to us. We can use these feelings to help us get closer to our loved ones and to approach the conversation with increased vulnerability and more success.    So before talking to anyone about death, Ask:
Why is it important to ME?  Why do I want to know?

Here are some reasons why:
Because we love. We care. We want to be there or want someone to be there. We want to be a positive support. We want to know so we can give our family what they want even if it isn't what WE want. Because we want to know how to support them to have a blessed, beautiful transition and die in a good way. In Their Way vs our way.

Remember this is about YOU. You are the one who wants to talk. So start the conversation with:
"Hey mom. I love you so much, andI need to talk to you about something that is really hard and important to me."

Generally if our parents or loved ones feel that we need their help and why, they are very open and willing to offer up some beginning words about what they want. EVEN if it is "I Don't Know!"  So come to your parent as a person needing their support. This includes telling them how much you love them and how much you want to take care, be there, love them, make this time good for you and everyone. And to do that, YOU need Them.

Second:  This is a not a one shot"conversation". It may take many times to complete. No one I know had it all planned out in one sitting.  With my dad, it took about 3 years over many dinners, vacations, and sometimes in between television commercials to understand and make plans with him and for him.

Third: Speak to this person in their own language and with their own images, metaphors, stories. It's important to share your own thoughts and feelings about what you want, too. This can help stimulate creativity and thinking. But Remember the nature of the person you are having this conversation with. What era were they born into and what is their capacity to vision about a good death? Lots of people born in the 20s/30s/ even 40s are able to think about how they want to be "buried" and that is about as far as it goes.

Fourth: Read A Mother's Final Gift. My mom and I are reading it together. She can't put it down.  It is a story --the type of book written in a language my mother loves about another woman her age. It portrays a beautiful, thoughtful, end of life vision and how her family found their pleasure in supporting her every wish. It is a treasure and it has opened a path for both of us to talk about what we want.