Applying the Teachings of the Sacred Passage End-of-Life Doula Program

/ The Conscious Dying Institute/

I just graduated from the Boulder Sacred Passage: End-of-Life Doula training this past June, a powerful, life changing course. It felt to me like each person there, came to training at that exact moment, as if pulled by an unseen force, assuring that we connected and learned from one another.  

When I returned home the very next day, I jumped back into my hospice role as a volunteer. I was assigned to a sweet 94 year old Norwegian farmer, dying of stomach cancer. They warned me he was hard of hearing, but still quite sharp. When I entered the room, he was sitting with another volunteer, and they were communicating with a small pad of paper and pen. She made room for me, and I introduced myself and settled in. Allowing myself to "read the field", I did not have to say much. His gentle energy and kind blue eyes encouraged me to reach out and hold his hand. He gripped firmly with his strong, weathered hands and we sat together for some time. I was watching him, and I suspected he was being visited by unseen guests. I wrote down on the pad "Are there friends or family here in the room with us?" He looked up, smiled, and shook his head to confirm yes, there most certainly were. I asked him if he found that comforting, and he smiled again, and said "so so". I laughed and we continued to hold hands until he became sleepy. The other volunteer looked a bit shocked and confused that I would ask such a question, but I felt like my big, bold question was rather poignant.  He died the next day, and I felt honored to have shared a deep connection in such a short time.

Personal Experience: Answering the Call for Family

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I next received a phone call from hospice, my mother-in-law had taken a sudden turn for the worse and was expected to live for two to seven days. She had lived in a memory care unit for the past two years, in Gainesville, Florida. My husband and sister-in-law were both at work, but arranged to come home that afternoon so we could catch the earliest flight available later that day. I ran around the house gathering supplies to take with us: I used material from class, books and readings, along with a compact version of my death doula bag. We landed in Tampa and drove to Gainesville, arriving at 3:00 am. She was "unconscious" but still breathing. We stayed with her for a few hours, during which time I set up a small altar in her room. When we returned the next day, her husband was so glad to see us and he already appreciated the small gesture of the altar. We sat vigil with her all day and into the evening, reading to her, telling her stories and singing her songs. We told her we loved her and forgave her, we thanked her and said goodbye. We returned to the hotel late only to receive a call at 6:45 am the next morning, announcing that she had just passed. We rushed back to her room and supported her husband and one another.

After a couple of hours, I helped my sister-in-law wash, dress and anoint her mom's body in the most sacred way possible considering we were in a memory care unit. I used a scarf to tie around her head so her mouth would not gape open, which was upsetting to her husband. After some time, I removed the scarf and her mouth was set and she looked more peaceful than she had in years. I cleaned the room, put on beautiful music and spruced up the altar. We went outside and gathered a few flowers, putting them around her head to create a crown. We asked the others to come back in the room and they wept with amazement at the transformation. The workers came in to the room too, and several cried, saying they had never seen something so beautiful. The head of the memory care unit actually said "This will change my practice. I had NO idea something like this could happen". We ended by blessing each part of her body using Joyce Rupp's Blessing as a guide and  everyone appreciated the finality and sacredness created in that room.

Continuing Work as a Sacred Passage End-of-Life Doula

I could not have done all that work without training with the Conscious Dying Institute. I thank Tarron for sharing her wisdom, and can only say I am somewhat amazed that all of this has happened within a month of graduating from the Conscious Dying Institute! I have not had time to put together a business plan, but I am happy to announce that I am already busy working as a Sacred Passage Doula. 

With much gratitude, 

Susan

P.S. We read your Practice for Death poem many times to Sue… everyone loved it… it was some of the last words she heard spoken aloud. Thank you, again!

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This post is a gracious contribution by Susan Nesbit, Sacred Passage End-of-Life Doula. Susan provides guidance and support to individuals and families before, during and after death. She is a Certified Massage Therapist with over 20 years of experience, and has been a hospice volunteer for 14 years. In 2007 she helped found the Threshold Care Circle, educating people how to care for their loved ones at the time of death. In June of 2019 she became certified as a Sacred Passage End of Life Doula from the Conscious Dying Institute.

 
 

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