Why Me? The Calling to Become an End of Life Doula by Emily Risner

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Why Me? The Calling to Become an End of Life Doula by Emily Risner

What calls us to want to serve at someone’s bedside as an End of Life Doula?  In my case it is death itself.  My mother died of breast cancer one month before my seventh birthday. Although she passed with dignity and grace, I can only imagine how she must have felt on hospice knowing that she was terminally ill and would be departing at the young age of thirty-four with two children and a husband that she loved dearly.  She did not have an End of Life Doula, nor did she have any rites of passage for her next journey, in this case death. Not only would my mother have benefited from having a special person to sit with her and help her with this transition, but also us kids and my father too. Perhaps becoming an End of Life Doula started a long time ago.

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The Miracles Around Us by Heather MacLeod

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The Miracles Around Us by Heather MacLeod

The Miracles Around Us

by Heather MacLeod

After being blessed with the opportunity to be a part of Phase 1 of the Sacred Passage Doula course in Vancouver, I watched several videos of Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. I came across an interview that Oprah Winfrey had done with Dr. Elisabeth that had been recorded just before Dr. Elisabeth passed on. Oprah and Dr. E spoke of 'guardian angels' and Oprah asked Dr. K-R if she believed everyone had a guardian angel.

Heather MacLeod is a soon to be graduate of the Sacred Passage Doula Certificate Program with the Conscious Dying Institute.

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End-of-Life Activists Ponder How to Die in a Death-Averse Culture

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End-of-Life Activists Ponder How to Die in a Death-Averse Culture

“People come to us, and oftentimes this is their very first experience with death, and there’s so much fear of the unknown,” says Sethi-Brown, who is also is a local musician, whose work includes playing for people transitioning and at Third Messenger events. “Sometimes, family members come to us and say, ‘We don’t want our loved one to know that they’re dying.’ We don’t practice it. There are some traditions around the world that actually have practices around death, meditations around death — just like if you’re birthing, you go to birth classes, read birth books, but [there’s] nothing to prepare you for death.”

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Dying to be Born as a Doula

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Dying to be Born as a Doula

To walk this path, I must die into this truth: . no matter how special, how loved, how young, how old, how close to me, how important, how simply regular anyone is in my dying care or circle, my call is to hold both the universal beauty and mystery of death and the celebration of life in equanimity and balance.

 

To walk this path, I must die into the truth of these words, this mighty concept: no matter how special, how loved, how young, how old, how close to me, how important, how simply regular anyone is in my dying care or circle, my call is to hold the both the universal beauty and mystery of death and the celebration of life in equanimity and balance.

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Regrets of the Dying

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Regrets of the Dying

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

 

 

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

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An Admirable Choice

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An Admirable Choice

The trainings for Death Doulas that are available through institutions such as The Conscious Dying Institute are necessary.  They teach attendees and give them an experience that provides them with a working knowledge of how to be present when there is loss.  The attendees gain benefit because they learn about themselves and can translate what they have learned to be a utilized when others are dealing with loss.

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Dying With Grace And Courage: A Nurse’s Role

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Dying With Grace And Courage: A Nurse’s Role

Jerry was 61 years old.  He was a tall man with pale blue eyes.  His hair, although grayish, hinted at having once been blond.  Finnish/Irish he was.  He successfully managed a large real estate firm.  He had also created a remarkable family.  Jerry and Joyce had two exceptional sons, Mike, 35 and Pat, 31.  Both were married and Mike had a baby girl.  Both were slender and tall like Dad but they had the dark Spanish eyes of their mother.  I was Jerry’s nurse.

Jerry had a history of glomerulonephritis that resulted in chronic renal failure.  During the last couple of years he had been managing his own peritoneal dialysis and enjoyed the freedom this method allowed compared to hemodialysis.  He came to the ICU after suffering a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm, which was repaired emergently.

I soon took a personal interest in Jerry and developed a privileged bond with him and his family.  Jerry was in my care day after day, stretching into weeks.  I worried about him on my days off and hoped that upon returning I’d find him faring well. 

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Anointing Ritual

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Anointing Ritual

I recently certified with Conscious Dying Institute as a Sacred Passage Doula. Some people asked me why I took the course since I am already a registered nurse certified in Hospice and Palliative Care. I work at a fifteen bed inpatient hospice unit and have done so for over seven years. My answer is thoughtful and measured. Working in the inpatient hospice setting I feel comfortable giving medications, managing symptoms and educating the dying and their families. I am also comfortable with integrative therapies such as Healing Touch, Mindfulness, Aromatherapy, and Guided Imagery. I hold certifications in Healing Touch and Focused Awareness Meditation. And yet, I felt there was more I could learn about working with the dying and their families.

I was right. The Sacred Passage Doula program gave me tools, insights, and practical information to bring back to the hospice unit. 

Since the class I have found myself even more present and aware with the dying and their families. I look forward to bringing more of the class ideas into the inpatient hospice environment.

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A Chaplain's Reflections on Death Doula Training

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A Chaplain's Reflections on Death Doula Training

As a hospital and hospice chaplain, I am finding the tools and perspectives explored in the Death Doula training to be very helpful. While I have clinical perspectives that are at the forefront of my connections with patients, they are ‘rounded out’ by the existential and practical insights of the training.  For example, a few days ago I was visiting with a palliative care patient in the hospital.  He has a new prognosis of less than a week to live, although he has been living well with cancer for years.....

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Big Tom's Song

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Big Tom's Song

“Everything’s important and nothing really matters.”

This is the message relayed to me by my dear friend and brother before he died. A paradoxical statement creating a still point where we sit and witness.  In my attempt to give him merely a glimpse of how his life is reflected in mine, I produced a song.

Composed by singer and songwriter Jay Brown [another dear friend and brother]. In his composition he carried the message a step further…

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Magic, Mystery and "No-Coincidence" on the Path to Becoming a Death Doula

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Magic, Mystery and "No-Coincidence" on the Path to Becoming a Death Doula

In less than two months, I will take my first steps to join the growing numbers of conscious-death practitioners in North America. I will enter this privileged position as a Sacred Passage End-of-Life Doula trained and certified, by the host of this blog, the Conscious Dying Institute.

Like those before me, I come to this rich opportunity to serve the dying and their families through life experiences that are distinctly my own. Yet, with this training, I am joining a collective of peers and future colleagues with whom I imagine I already share something quite profound:  a comfort with mystery.

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A Physician Reflects on End of Life Doula Training

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A Physician Reflects on End of Life Doula Training

Creative ways of exploring death and dying in our community was the theme of the gathering where I met Grigsby and Anne a year ago. They were a notable couple: Grigsby, a tall, slender, intelligent, poised male - a Yale-trained historian and Jungian philosopher and Anne, a beautiful, eloquent and thoughtful woman – a former counselor. Recently, I had the honor of bearing witness to Grigsby’s dying process, an experience that has deeply impacted my thoughts about end-of-life care. Grigsby chose to consciously approach the end of his life with strength, equanimity, courage, honesty and mindfulness, with little medical intervention from the time of a terminal diagnosis until his death in his own home seven weeks later.

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Going green when it's your time to go…..

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Going green when it's your time to go…..

In Phase 2 of our End of Life Doula Certificate program, we work with 5 domains of life as a framework for discussing and potentially realizing end of life desires and wishes for those in our care.  One of the domains of like focuses on after death care.  Many individuals these days have a great interest in “going green” ….. we wanted to share this article about:  Going green when it's your time to go…..

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End of Life

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End of Life

How do we communicate in our culture about the end of life?

A leading Hospice Society – “Hospice is about living. Hospice strives to bring quality of life and comfort to each patient and their family. Our successes are in helping a patient and family live fully until the end. Often patients will feel better with good pain and symptom management. Hospice is an experience of care and support, different from any other type of care.”

A leading Cancer Society – “Learning that you have advanced disease growing and not responding to treatment – may make you feel lost and afraid. At this point, you know that the cancer is not going away and the time you have left to live probably is limited. But knowing what to expect and being prepared to deal with it can enable you to get the support and care you need so you can have the very best quality of life possible.”

These expressions of how to be supportive at the end of life from both organizations is very closely aligned.  At the Conscious Dying Institute, we recognize that the end of life is a special time whose depth can transcend all involved regardless of training and approach.  

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Wisdom Traditions Offer Many Practices for Death

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Wisdom Traditions Offer Many Practices for Death

In last week’s blog, we explored the concept of practicing for death ….  a concept  we present in the first segment of the Conscious Dying Institute’s End of Life Doula Certificate program.  The name of this first segment is:  Conscious Dying Practices For Awakening NOW!  Along with a focus on awakening, awakening to our innate healing gifts and talents, awakening to the power of bold inquiry, awakening to the gift of presence, there’s quite an emphasis on practices, and not only our own practice for death meditation featured last week.

In keeping with one of the Conscious Dying Principles developed by Founder, Tarron Estes, “Honor other’s beliefs while staying true to your own,” our death doula training program introduces practices from many traditions.  Read on to lift your spirit with words and practices from other wisdom traditions.

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Why Practice for Death?

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Why Practice for Death?

In the first segment of the Conscious Dying Institute’s End of Life Doula Certificate program, students experience an immersion in preparing the self as a healing environment.  As such, we focus on self-care and nurturance, connecting to individual healing gifts, establishing and re-establishing a sense of purpose, and deepening awareness of our own desires, wishes and beliefs about end of life….. and in particular, our own end of life.  We do this through practice…..lots and lots of practice, with students participating in breath practice, communication technique practice, movement practice, and many other tools of the trade. 

Why do we Practice?

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Deathing Care: It Takes a Community

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Deathing Care: It Takes a Community

I’ve been asked many times what it was that sparked my fascination with all things deathly since 2012. Everyone has a different answer to this question – some begin exploring when they, because of age or perhaps a diagnosis, become face-to-face with their own mortality. Others, because they were left feeling unsettled after a bad experience with the death of a loved one. Still others intrinsically know that we need to retrieve the “old ways”, the knowledge and practice of folding death back into the arms of a family or community.

For me, it was a gradual waking up to realize that we had it wrong in North America.

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Rethinking the Bucket List

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Kathleen Taylor is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with over 20 years of experience in hospice, palliative care, and advance care planning. She currently operates a coaching and consulting practice primarily serving the healthcare, social service and nonprofit sectors. In her career, Kathleen has fostered communication within families, in conference rooms, and in communities. Her intention is to bring her skills and insight regarding clarity and authenticity to every interaction. Kathleen is based in Tampa Bay, FL.